Playing the Game
by breakingfiction
Summary: I didn't come back for him. But with his concert quickly approaching I find myself thinking what if we still had a chance? That is until a certain former student body president turns up unexpectedly to throw a spanner in the works. A choose your own ending fic. Candy/Nath or Candy/Cas
1. Chapter 1

_Hey guys, so this will be a choose your own ending fic! The first chapter is Candy's dynamic with Nathaniel, the second will be the concert and focus mostly on Castiel and then there will be two different endings to choose from depending on whether you prefer Candy with Nath or Cas (or you can just read both).  
Happy reading!_

From the moment I step into the club, I can feel his eyes on me. I take a deep breath, in and out, to stifle the nerves. His gaze is unnerving, but as much as I hate to admit… it's not entirely unwelcome.

My phone buzzes in my hand. I swallow thickly and glance at the fluorescent screen.

 _Where are you?_

A smile slides onto my lips, but I don't bother tapping a reply to Rosalya's message. _I'm here now_ , I think to myself as I glance around the club, which is packed to the brim tonight, my eyes roaming everywhere except one particular darkened corner.

Heading in the general direction of the bar, I tug down on the hem of the strappy, black dress I'm wearing. Rosa picked it out for me, so it's not surprising how annoyed I am by the way it keeps riding up my thighs, or how one of the thin straps keeps falling down over my left shoulder.

Raging music pumps through the mass of bodies both on the dance floor and mingling around the edges as I make my way through them and towards the bar, muttering apologies as I push past. It's only once I have a clear view of the counter that a shock of electric blue hair descends upon me in a flurry.

"There you are!" Alexy exclaims, kissing me on the cheek in greeting. I grin as I sidle up to my best friend and he rests an arm around my waist, pulling me over to the bar where Rosalya leans, tapping on her phone furiously. She looks up as I approach, giving me a pointed glare.

I know I'm late. Like really, _really_ late. But I can't help it that my witch of a boss made me stay late at work to close the café on my own. The music is too loud for me to relay this to Rosa, so instead I settle for shrugging innocently and conveying my apology through my own pointed look.

She shakes her head, her silver hair falling around her shoulders, and smiles despite herself, mouthing " _You look amazing_ ," at me before turning to the girl tending the bar to order. I bite on my lip absent-mindedly as we wait for our drinks, tugging down on my hem again. Grateful for the comfort of Alexys arm around my shoulder, I find myself hoping that the large group behind us is big enough to keep me out of sight of a certain pair of eyes.

I already know he's reclining on one of the sofas in the corner, his arm slung carelessly around the shoulders of a girl with short, brown hair. I had seen him there earlier, though I was hardly going to give him the satisfaction of letting him know that. There's others with him too, though I can't tell if they're friends, associates, or… something else entirely.

All I know is that I had bumped into him around town a few times since I moved back, and each time he had been more and more bold. The teasing, the flirtation. It was strange, this new Nathaniel. We had never been close during high school. In fact, we barely tolerated each other at all. He had been so uptight and guarded. I know now that a lot of it had to do with his family problems, but even so, every time we spoke, it was like I could never say the right thing, never _choose_ the right answer. 

But now, there's none of that. He's careless, and rebellious. He seems to even enjoy my hostility, and I can't deny, no matter how hard I try, that it's kind of intriguing. That there's something there that makes me want to get to know him better. Though there's something dangerous too. Something that screams at me to keep my distance, to stay away, and I'm not so sure that I can.

Whatever it is, ever since the first night I saw him back in that alley, he's had a hold on me.

"Candy?"

I shake myself from my thoughts at the sound of my name and the feeling of Alexy pushing a shot glass into my hand. I down the shot and set the glass back on the sticky counter, making a face as the liquid burns my throat. I'm not usually one for alcohol, but at this stage, I'd try anything to take my mind off that dark corner, and the amused gaze that simultaneously beckons and terrifies me.

We stay like this for a little while, talking above the music, laughing and drinking. Our university classes have been intense so far, and it feels good to take some time to just enjoy ourselves and our newly reformed friendship. It's not long before other friends join us, and a delicate hand grabs mine as a dark-haired girl with the most _enviable_ turquoise eyes drags me to the dance floor despite my many protests.

Priya picks a spot to dance and I almost stumble into her, catching the scent of her jasmine perfume. I blush as she steadies me by the elbow and mesmerises me with her laughter. Priya is radiant. A sparkling gem within the dreariness of the club. There are more than a few pairs of eyes on her, both male and female, and I'm quite convinced the girl could have her pick of the club, if she wanted to. For now, however, I have her all to myself, and my head buzzes blissfully as we dance hand in hand to the thumping electronica under the pulsing lights on the dance floor.

A pair of arms encircle my waist from behind as Alexy joins us, giving me an enthusiastic kiss on the cheek before he pulls me in to dance with him. His eyes are lingering on a certain brunette at the bar, and I can't help but to laugh aloud and give him a knowing wink, to which he blushes profusely at being caught out.

We dance and dance until I'm out of breath and in desperate need of another drink, and I leave Alexy and Priya dancing together and push my way towards the bar. I pull out my phone as I wait in line, where there's a message from Kim asking if I want to train with her at the gym tomorrow morning, and also an event invitation from Chani who has organised a group to go to Crowstorms' concert together. I ignore the request for the time being. I can't think about the concert without feeling sick to my stomach. Because the thought of seeing my ex-boyfriend… well, it's nothing short of terrifying.

My break up with Castiel had been messy, and the remnants of a broken heart still linger. I was mad at him for so long for giving up, for not trying harder to make things work. He argued that a long-distance relationship was too difficult, that our schedules were too busy to give each other the time and commitment we deserved. We were so young back then, and unsure. Things are different now.

Now… well, I don't know what we are. But I know that I want to find out.

No, I _have_ to find out.

I'm startled from my thoughts when I feel a hand on my waist and then a low voice in my ear, barely loud enough to be heard over the thumping music.

"Meet me outside,"

My breath hitches and my chest tightens. The voice is unmistakable, so I ignore it, and continue to wait in line for the bar. Until he lowers his head and places a single kiss on my bare shoulder, _so slowly_ , sending a burst of electric shivers across my skin.

And then he's gone.

I pull the fallen strap of my dress back up and bite down on my lip instinctively. It's bold of Nathaniel to do something like that with so many prying eyes around. But then again, he probably doesn't care who sees.

Still, I don't look. I don't watch him leave the bar or glance around for who might have seen. And I had almost convinced myself not to go. _Almost._

A frustrated growl tears itself from my throat as I step out of line and head towards the exit, my high heels stomping across the wooden floor in annoyance. Annoyance that he can't seem to leave me alone. Annoyance that I might just _want_ to follow him.

 _What does he want now?_

The air is icy when I half stumble outside, and at first, it's a welcome change to the stifling sweatiness of the club.

I scan the street but see no sign of him, and I inwardly curse Alexy for talking me into taking those last three tequila shots, because right now, I'm not at all in the right mind to think clearly around _him._ In fact, the smartest thing for me to do would be to walk straight back into the club and forget the whole thing. Probably the safest option too.

Although I already know that I won't.

I wrap my arms around myself, attempting to rub some warmth into my skin, and pace towards the corner. The last time I had spoken to him he was with some other girl. Some _random, trashy_ girl that I had never seen before, and who certainly didn't like the attention that Nathaniel was giving me, rather than her. Even still, I didn't regret interrupting them that night if it meant that he went home alone in the end.

Better that then the images that never ceased to run through my head of the two of them together. The ones that I had stayed awake half the night replaying over and over in my mind. _Him biting her lower lip, her kissing him back, him pulling her against him by her belt buckle._ It sounded stupid, to be jealous of Nathaniel with another girl, and I tried so hard to push the feeling away. I just couldn't understand why I cared so much.

When I find him, he's leaning against the stone wall of the alley between the club and the gym he frequents. He drags a cigarette away from his mouth between his fingers and doesn't spare me a glance until I'm standing right in front of him.

"Knew you'd come,"

A cloud of pearly smoke escapes his lips as he speaks, and my nose wrinkles in distaste.

He smirks, dropping the cigarette and stubbing it out with the toe of his boot, before pushing himself away from the wall and giving me a feline grin.

"I thought you'd have more sense than to poison your lungs with that shit… what with all the boxing and everything," I say, not bothering to attempt to hide the venom in my voice. I really don't know what kind of game Nathaniel is playing with me tonight, but I don't intend to lose.

"Only when I'm stressed, dear Candy. Which isn't often, I assure you," He circles me as he speaks, looking me up and down. I fold my arms across my chest, standing my ground. If he's trying to intimidate me, it's certainly not going to work.

 _At least that's what I tell myself._

"What do you want, Nathaniel?"

He stops behind me, leaning in so his breath ruffles my dark hair when he speaks. "Have I told you how much I love it when you use my full name? So authorative…"

Something inside my stomach tightens, but I roll my violet eyes, unwilling to let him know exactly how much he's getting to me. It doesn't help that tiny goose bumps are prickling down my neck and back at the thought of him behind me.

"I told you you'd see me again before the concert," He says, still circling until he comes to a complete stop in front of me and shoves his hands into his pockets. When I see the bare sliver of skin above his pants I know that he's doing it on purpose. That he _always_ does it on purpose.

"Maybe you're stalking me," I drawl, lifting my lashes and sounding thoroughly unimpressed with his baiting.

He smirks again, gleaming teeth showing as he teases. "You'd like that, wouldn't you?"

I shiver against the night air, wrapping my arms tighter around myself while silently regretting the choice to not bring a jacket. I'm tired of this… this back and forth with no conclusion. He must know it, because he runs a hand through his blonde hair and bites on his lip. Waiting for me to ask the question.

"What do you want?" I ask again, softer this time, though I'm painfully aware of the unevenness of my breath. I know he notices, because his lip quirks, ever so slightly.

And then he cocks his head to the side, studying me. "Isn't it obvious?"

That grin again. The one that threatens to devour me completely, until I'm nothing more than a quaking mess at his feet. I bite on my bottom lip, focusing on the pain to dispel the thought, though I'm sure it's one he'd thoroughly enjoy.

"Why?" I ask. I _have_ to ask, because the thought of him wanting anything to do with me is so absurd. "We were never friends, we didn't even like each other."

Nathaniel's eyes darken, and his scarred lip curls into a scowl.

" _Says who_."

It's not a question, so I don't answer. I only shiver, telling myself that it's because of the autumn wind and not the fact that Nathaniel has stepped so close that he towers over me, his broad shoulders blocking the view of anything behind him. And god, he smells so amazing, it's enough to make my legs shudder and a familiar warmth pool in my stomach. He bends so his lips are against my ear, and his warm breath rolls over my skin in a whisper.

"I didn't want to be friends with you because I couldn't watch you with _him_ …"

My breath catches in my throat, and when I turn towards him, so slightly, his golden eyes are locked onto mine. My strap has fallen again, and his hand runs over my bare shoulder and down to snake around my waist, pulling me against him, while the other tilts my chin up under deft fingers. His body is such a welcome warmth that I have to bite my tongue to keep from sighing.

 _God, I am such a fool…_

"Everywhere I went you were with him. And that intolerable ass loved to rub the fact in my face," He says, his eyes hard, though his fingers on my face are gentle. "Do you really think he never saw how I looked at you?"

I know who he's talking about, of course. Castiel and I were inseparable in High School. Until I moved away with my family, and everything fell apart. Until he broke my heart, and never bothered to put back the pieces.

"And you want me to go to his concert with you? Tell me, dearest, are you trying to make him jealous?"

My violet eyes narrow at his nerve, and I can't stop myself before I spit. "Like that girl you used earlier to make _me_ jealous?"

His lips quirk.

 _Shit._

"Oh, so you did see me,"

"No, I-"

"And did it work?"

It did, and I would never tell him. Instead, I grit my teeth. _Hard._

"You didn't answer my question. Are you trying to make the redheaded rocker jealous, or not?"

His lips are so close to mine that if I tilted my head a fraction of an inch they'd be touching. I know that he's toying with me, though my head is so clouded that I'm falling right into it. It's true I had asked Nathaniel to go to Castiels concert with me, but not for the purpose he thinks. The truth is that the thought of the concert terrifies me, and Nathaniel is strong… _so strong…_ though I guess it was stupid to hope that any of that would rub off on me.

Because in this moment, in his arms, I'm _so incredibly weak_ against him that if he asks, I'm afraid I'll give him anything. And I can't decide if I want him to ask, or not. And _my god_ that's a dangerous thought to have…

"No, that's not…" My voice is barely more than a whisper, fighting to be more, and for the first time I can't look at him. I'm so scared of falling for those golden eyes that the feeling overwhelms me.

"Then what?" He hisses through gritted teeth, and his eyes turn savage. I try to step back but his grip hardens on my chin, not enough to hurt, but as a sign to stay.

"Nath…"

I can't tell him why I asked, and I can't even tell him that's he's wrong… that it's not to make Castiel jealous, but to help me be brave. It's hard to say what this thing is between him and I, whether there's enough to build something on, whether my heart is still with Castiel, or has moved on enough to take a chance on something new.

 _At the concert, I'll know. I have to know._

Nathaniel lets out a huff of impatience, completely unaware of my inner struggle. His hands drop, taking the warmth of his body with them, and it takes everything in me not to reach out for him.

"You know what? Forget it," He says, waving a dismissive hand in front of him and taking a few steps back. "Forget I said _anything_ , Candy."

His shoves his hands into the pockets of his jacket this time and walks off without sparing another glance at me, and I can feel the warm sting of tears in my eyes as I watch him go, hoping he'll turn back.

He doesn't.


	2. Chapter 2

**_(So sorry for all the random code that was in the first chapter! I didn't realise until a couple of lovely reviewers pointed it out to me :) it's all fixed now!)_**

 _Tonight's the night._

Those are the words I've been repeating to myself over and over, all day long, as I've thought of nothing else but Crowstorms concert. Sometimes I'm happy when I think the words. Excited by the prospect of seeing Castiel again after all these years. But most of the time… _I'm terrified._

Wringing my hands nervously, I step in front of the floor mirror and glance over my outfit one last time. An old faded band tee tucked into a tight, high waisted leather skirt, paired with thigh high boots. Appropriate attire for a rock concert. All that's left is a swatch of red lipstick to finish it off, and I'm ready to go. I take a deep breath to steady my shaking hand and apply the deep, ruby shade, puckering my lips in the mirror to see the results.

 _Tonight's the night._

The butterflies in my stomach are relentless as I grab my handbag from the end of my bed and swing it over my shoulder. Because tonight _is the night_. The night I finally see Castiel again after three long years. The night I finally find out if my feelings for him are still something very real, or nothing more then a memory.

My roommate, Yeleen, left for the concert a while ago, and I'm grateful to have had some peace and quiet to get ready. I don't think I could have handled her snarky comments gracefully. Not today, anyway. She's been giving me strange looks all week, ever since I told her I knew Castiel when she found the poster I dropped of the concert.

I tap a quick message to Chani as I exit my dorm room, letting her know I'm on my way to the Cosy Bear Café where we're supposed to meet. I was supposed to be going to the concert with Nathaniel, but after our fight, or… _whatever_ you would call it, I'm sure that I'm the last person he wants to see tonight. I hurry out the door, phone in front of my face, aware of how late I'm running, and let out a panicked shriek as I collide directly with what feels like a brick wall.

A _warm_ brick wall.

A throaty chuckle is all I hear as I steady myself to find Nathaniel in front of me, his arms folded across his chest and a blonde eyebrow arched in amusement. And oh my god, _he looks good._ Like, _criminally_ good, wearing ripped, blue jeans and a grey tee underneath a red and black flannel shirt.

He shoves his hands in his pockets, in that annoying habit of his, and I remove my eyes from his body to give him a tight smile.

"What are you doing here?" I blurt out rather ungracefully, adjusting my shoulder bag and staring at him in disbelief.

"I believe you promised me a thrilling night," He replies, his lips quirking, and as he grins the butterflies in my stomach increase tenfold.

I clear my throat awkwardly, biting down on my lip to relieve some of the nerves. The last time I saw him outside the Snake Room, I was a complete and utter mess of emotions. And he had said things that I haven't been able to get out of my head for over a week.

 _"I didn't want to be friends with you because I couldn't watch you with him…"_

My breath shortens even now at the thought of him whispering those words in my ear. But some part of me – some bitter, angry part – knows he was probably only saying it to get what he wanted from me. He has this insane way of making me feel everything I'm not sure I want to feel, and now… well, I don't really know what to feel now.

 _My head is a mess…_

"I'm surprised you showed," I say dumbly, and his jaw stiffens a little.

"I said I'd be here, didn't I?"

I fidget with the strap on my bag nervously. I _have_ to say something, just to get it out of the way. The things he said the other night, accusing me of going to the concert with him to make Castiel jealous, hang thick in the air. I want him to understand the real reason for asking him to come with me tonight.

"Nath, about the other night..."

"Don't sweat it, babe," He interrupts with a sideways glance and the wave of his hand, obviously not in the mood to talk about it. "Are we going to this thing or not?"

I still don't know what this thing is between us. This pulse heightening, panic inducing thing that has blossomed out of god knows where. All I know is when I'm with Nath, something coils up so tightly inside of me that there's no room for anything else.

I roll my violet eyes and smile, despite his bluntness. I suppose it's something we can talk about another time. Another night. Perhaps a night where I can afford to be distracted by thoughts other then trying to figure out how I feel about a certain redheaded rocker.

I turn and fish my room keys out of my bag to lock the door, but Nathaniel puts a hand on the frame to stop me. I can feel the warmth of his body leaning into mine from behind as he says in my ear.

"Bring a jacket, will you. It's cold out."

I turn my head a fraction, my eyebrows dipping and my heart pounding against my chest. He seems to have a thing for getting close when I'm least expecting it, and it makes everything under my skin turn electric. _And since when did he decide to be so thoughtful?_ I'm almost fooled by his concern until he adds with his voice right against my ear, tickling my skin.

"Or don't. I can think of plenty of ways to keep you warm..."

I feel a heat between my legs, and I try desperately to ignore the series of images that flash through my mind of his body hard and warm against mine. Instead, I throw a withering glare over my shoulder, which only seems to amuse him more, before ducking back into the room to grab my leather jacket, taking a second or two longer to inhale a deep breath and calm myself down. For a moment I'm tempted to stay. To invite Nathaniel in, to skip the concert altogether and spend the night forgetting all about the curves of Castiels' body by replacing them with the memory of someone new.

When I exit the room, locking the door behind me this time, Nathaniel still has that stupid, cocky smile spread across his face, like he can read every dirty, improper thought in my head. I'm suddenly torn between the savage urge to smack it right off him, and the longing to feel it against my own lips, my neck, my chest…

He nods towards the elevator and I follow behind him, blinking tightly against the thought of how it would feel to have his scarred lips smirking against mine. This is seriously not the night for that, I finally decide, but I'd be dammed if I didn't admit that he looks sexy as hell wearing it.

As we enter the elevator I pray he doesn't notice the shortness of my breath, the rapid rise and fall of my chest, the way I play with the strap of my bag to keep my hands from reaching elsewhere. I can't think of much other then the heat pooling low in my stomach and the flush I can feel crawling up my neck.

It's quiet. The air so thick you could cut it with a knife, and I try desperately not to stare at his hair, or his arms, or… anything, really.

I fail miserably, sneaking a glance at his face, and indeed he's biting on his lower lip, holding back that feline grin of his. The one that, if I'm not careful, could have me coming completely undone in front of him. He catches me watching him and throws me a lazy wink, his golden hair falling into his face. It takes everything I have not to let out a sound, and I think he knows it.

I distract myself from him by pulling my phone out of my bag to check the time, and this time I groan.

 _Late again_ …

I'm supposed to meet the others at the Café, but since Nathaniel showed up, I think better of it, and tap another message to Chani saying I'll meet them at the concert. Last thing I need is for my friends to see first hand how he turns me into an incoherent, shaking mess.

Rosalya and Alexy had made their disapproval of me hanging out with him clear after the last night out at the Snake Room. After speaking with him, I was close to tears. I didn't miss the looks of _'I told you so'_ in their eyes. If only they knew what I was really upset about.

If only _he knew_ why I had asked him to come tonight. That as we exit the university and take the short walk into town, I think of nothing other than the way my hands flex together so tightly with him beside me, or how my breath struggles harder to release from my lungs. That for a little while, at least, I forget the fear of what tonight holds.

And even though we slip into a conversation about simple things like the gym, or my classes, and he teases me relentlessly about almost everything, I don't mind it. There's something between us that was never there during High School, and I think in a lot of ways, we've both changed.

And really, when I look at him, I don't care what anyone else thinks.

And when he looks at me… _it's so consuming._

We pass through the dark alley, where I'm usually overcome with terror and fear of who lurks in the dark, and I feel none of it. The sound of blasting rock music hits me long before we wind up at the Snake Room, where my heart immediately drops. A pair of bouncers guard the door at the front of an enormous line snaking all the way past the gym and a couple of restaurants further past that. It looks like everyone in the damn town is here tonight, and indeed when I scour the line, dreading how long I'm going to be stuck standing in it, I see concert-goers of all different age ranges.

I let out a frustrated sound and give my foot a little stomp, crossing my arms over my chest and knowing I should have left earlier. It's going to take forever to get in. I'll never get close enough to even _see_ Castiel.

Nathaniel only laughs and gives me a playful push on the shoulder.

"Who'd have thought you were the foot-stomping tantrum type," He teases, and I send him a dark glare before pushing him right back.

He catches my hand in his, linking his fingers with mine and saying, "Follow me," before I have time to protest.

 _Not that I am._

I let him drag me after him dumbly, my eyes on our interlaced hands as I inhale sharply at the way his touch sets my skin on fire.

 _Okay, Candy, get a grip already…_

Nathaniel strolls up to the taller of the two bouncers patrolling the door, shoulders back, skipping ahead of the entire line. A few people shoot us dirty looks, and I try to ignore them, keeping as close to Nath as I can without stepping on his feet. I feel so incredibly out of place right now.

"Hey, Fred!" Nathaniel greets the large man at the door with a handshake.

The man named he addresses gives him an easy smile, clapping him on the back in greeting.

"Nath! Good to see you man. Wasn't sure you'd show up for this one,"

"Have to keep my girl happy," Nath winks at Fred, snaking an arm around my waist and pulling me against him.

Fred gives him a knowing look, and my mouth almost drops as he unclips the rope to allow us inside.

"Have a good night, Miss," He says as we pass, and I manage an awkward smile as thanks. _He didn't even ask for our tickets?_

Nathaniel keeps his arm where it is, guiding me through a crowd of people, though I barely register it as a mixture of relief and shock courses through me. I just can't believe it was that _easy_ to get in here. I thought for sure we'd be waiting outside for over an hour.

"I've worked up a few favours around the place," Nath offers the explanation, clearly noting the stunned look on my face.

My eyebrows furrow. I don't know what to make of the statement, exactly, but for tonight at least, I'm glad for it. And when I turn my thankful smile on him, he knows it too.

Despite jumping a significant chunk of the line outside, the place is filling up fast, and Crowstorms name is on everyone's lips. The nervousness settles in my stomach like a rock, now that we're here, and the heat of dozens of cramped bodies hits me fast. We head to the bar to order a couple of drinks to combat both the heat and the nerves.

"There's a girl over there giving us quite the nasty look," I say to Nath as I lean back against the bar, nodding my head at a girl with short, brown hair. I think she might be the girl I saw him with the other night, but I don't let him know I recognise her. He's smug enough already without me adding something like _that_ into the mix.

"Ignore her," Nathaniel says from beside me, paying for the drinks and pushing one my way.

"My, aren't you a charmer," I tease, taking a sip of cool amber liquid from my glass and making a face as it burns my throat on the way down.

Nathaniel laughs and runs a hand through his hair, and I catch myself biting my lip at the way it falls flawlessly into his golden eyes.

"Sorry, she's just a friend who runs with the same crowd as me,"

I quirk an eyebrow, looking her way again. She has piercings in her nose, her eyebrow, her ears, and… god only knows where else. Around her neck is a black bandanna with a skull on it. Whatever _crowd_ it is that Nath runs with these days, I highly doubt I'd fit in there. She catches me watching her and purses her lips smugly, but not before her dark eyes flicker over Nathaniel possessively, head to toe.

The sting of something that feels suspiciously like jealousy settles in my abdomen, and I find myself moving closer to him, feeling his warmth against me. _Two can play that game, girl…_

" _Oh, great…_ " Nath says suddenly, his low voice rumbling against me.

I turn to see what he's staring at, and all of a sudden I'm assaulted by a mass of silver hair and the smell of rosewater perfume. I'd recognise the fragrance anywhere, and I groan loudly in protest as Rosalya pulls me into a bone-crushing hug, and Nath manages to wisely take my glass out of my hand before she knocks it all over the place.

"Are you alright? How are you feeling?" She gushes, her cold hands on either side of my face, before she stops suddenly, twisting her rosy lips in a confused scowl

"Uhh… how did you get in before us?"

My eyes slide over Nathaniel and she follows them, dropping her hands from my face and pursing her lips unhappily.

"Oh, that's how…" She says coolly, her gaze absolutely glacial as it takes in the sight of Nathaniel and that _damn cocky grin_ of his.

"Good to see you too, Rosa," Nathaniel answers with a smirk, propping the glass back in my hand and wrapping an arm around my waist, which I know he's only doing to get a rise out of her. I give him a look, though he only shrugs innocently and pulls me tighter. A chill runs through me as his hand dips lower on my waist, and I try desperately not to let it show on my face, though I know he doesn't miss the jagged breath that escapes me.

"I would say it's good to see you, Nath, but it's really not," Rosa hisses between gritted teeth just as Alexy joins us, stepping forward to squeeze me in greeting, pulling me away from Nathaniel's arm as he does so.

 _I see what you're doing, Alexy…_

"Hello Nathaniel, taking a night off from your usual activities to enjoy the show then?" He says through a tight smile, though Nath only chuckles darkly, completely unbothered by their hostility.

I sigh in exasperation, untangling myself from Alexys long arms and giving my two best friends a pointed look. It's bad enough that none of them will even tell me why they dislike him so much, so I'm certainly not going to stand here and let them treat him like this.

"If you lot aren't going to be civil then kindly _go away_ ," I instruct, thoroughly annoyed, and Rosalyas wolfish eyes harden on me. Alexy, at least, has the decency to look a little guilty, and my heart softens.

"Uh, hi. I'm Chani," A small blonde steps forward, dwarfed by the height of Alexy and Rosa beside her. I leave her and Nathaniel to exchange introductions and drag the other two a little further away.

"What is with you two?" I hiss, meeting the formidable gaze of Rosalya and standing my ground against her. She clicks her tongue impatiently, as if I'm the biggest moron who ever lived, just for asking, but Alexy is the one who speaks first.

"Candy, he's not the same person he was in High School,"

"I can see that," I say, exasperated. _For fucks sake, anyone with eyes can see that_. "He doesn't seem so bad to me,"

"Maybe because you're too busy enjoying being fondled by him to notice," Rosa says venomously, and my eyes narrow into slits of violet. Alexy steps in before I can decide to throttle her, laying one hand on each of our arms to calm us.

She may be my best friend, but right now she's treading a fine line. What could Nathaniel possibly have done to make her hate him so much? And why won't she _tell me?_

"All we're saying is be careful," Alexy says, and Rosa drops her lashes tiredly, her shoulders slumping as the fight drains from her. A little of my anger dissipates. I don't want to fight with her either…

"You know I want you to find someone you like," She starts, calmer this time. "But Nath, well… he might only like you for what you can _give_ him,"

"You're trying to say he just wants to get in my pants, is that it?" I ask spitefully, the hot poker of anger jabbing me once again. Rosa recoils from me, and I instantly feel bad, but I don't back down. _I can't._ There's something in me that won't let them trash talk Nathaniel like they are, and I can't explain why.

I know he's not perfect. I've seen with my own eyes the kind of people he associates himself with, the girls he spends his time with, the classes he never shows up for. There are so many questions left unanswered when it comes to him.

But I never asked for perfect.

In fact, I never asked for him at all. And yet here I am, fighting with my best friends like he's _mine_ to defend. And god, I'm so confused I don't know how to deal with it.

 _What the hell am I doing?_

Before I can say anything, Rosa storms away with a huff and a flick of her silver hair, and my stomach turns unpleasantly. I know I shouldn't have spoken to her like I did, not when she's only looking out for me. My eyes catch Alexys', but he only shrugs and heads off in the same direction as Rosa.

I watch their retreating backs with guilt, shame, and still a heavy dose of anger surging through me. I down the contents of my drink, revelling in the way the warm liquid stills my beating heart and numbs my head, before slamming the empty glass down on the nearest table.

When I return to Nathaniel I find him in the clutches of Priya, who has pulled him into a one-armed hug and beams at him. Something in my chest unwinds a little at the sight as I realise that not all of my friends are acting like irrational brats tonight. No matter how much they might care for me.

"Priya, it's good to see you again," Nath says as he squeezes her back, and he sounds genuine. Priya looks me over as I approach, her lips lifting in a self-satisfied grin.

"And what do we have here?" She asks lightly, one eyebrow quirked curiously over bright, turquoise eyes. "We wouldn't be intruding on a date, would we?"

I laugh, hoping no one can hear how forced it sounds.

"Priya, no… it's not like that,"

"That's what _she_ thinks," Nathaniel teases, pulling me against him playfully. His tone is light, but I don't miss the subtle hint of concern in his eyes. His gaze locks on mine, and for a good few seconds I'm frozen in place, completely unable to look away. I want to ask him about so many things. About how he's fallen out with almost everyone from High School, and why they refuse to talk about it.

When I turn back to Priya, she's looking at us like we're the cutest thing she's ever seen, and I scowl at her. She only winks at me playfully and puts an arm around Chani, who's trying desperately not to laugh out loud at the scene.

After poking my tongue out at Chani, the four of us pick up some more drinks at the bar before finding a cosy sofa in the corner to sit together. Hyun joins us soon after, and while he chats with Priya and Chani, I lean in closer to Nathaniel, ignoring the way my head swims when I inhale the clean scent of him.

"So, what did Alexy mean by your 'usual activities' earlier?" I ask, deciding on finally trying to pry out some of the answers I need from him.

He shrugs his broad shoulders, taking a large gulp of his drink before leaning back against the sofa.

"Who knows,"

"Nathaniel…"

I give him a firm look, indicating for more information, and he lets out a defeated sigh.

 _Ha! I love getting what I want…_

"Armin and I got into some… _trouble_ when he was in town last. But if you ask me, Blue is completely overreacting. It was only a small fight, and the other guys came off _much_ worse than we did,"

I try to look at him in disapproval, but he smiles so fondly at the memory that something inside me melts. I tuck my knees up on the sofa, swinging side on to face him.

"You're still friends with Armin?"

"Course,"

I smile, happy to hear it, until I notice the absolute demonic way that Nath is grinning into his drink and I nudge him, pressing for what he's not telling me.

"I guess Alexy's still pissed he had to come and bail us out of the cells in the middle of the night," He admits with a dark laugh, and I roll my eyes at him and the way he finds it all so amusing. That is, until his laughter finds its way under my skin and I can't help but to giggle along with him, knowing it was probably Armins' fault as much as his. He leans an arm across the back of the sofa behind me, and all of a sudden, the smile drops from my lips.

"And… is that how you got the scar? From that fight?" I ask, a little timid. The scar over his lips could have been from many things. Maybe it was something he preferred not to talk about. Maybe I was stupidly crossing some kind of personal line, as I tended to do so often.

I watch his face, and he lowers his eyes, looking away. I finish the rest of my drink, thinking he's not going to say anything, until his voice comes out so low I can barely hear it.

"No, that's not how."

His golden eyes are on mine, locked in place, and all sense leaves me, all sound leaves the room, all breath leaves my chest. Instinctively I raise my hand, until I'm gently tracing the small scar with a finger, feeling his breath warm and jagged against my skin. He takes my hand, just below the wrist and kisses my fingers. Once, and then twice, so gently, my skin tingling under his touch.

And then his hand is on my face, tucking a strand of loose hair behind my ear, and he leans in closer, closer, _closer…_

And then it hits me. _His voice._

I turn, as fast as a bullet and there he is, up on that stage, a mic in hand and the full set up of his band behind him.

 _Castiel._

And the world turns upside down around me. I can't breathe, I've forgotten how to, and it's only when my head starts to swim that I let out the breath that I didn't know I was holding and gulp in a lungful of air. _And he's right there._ I think he's thanking everyone for coming to the show, but I'm in so much shock that I can't focus on his words, only _the sound of his voice._

I can feel Nathaniel's eyes on me. The low burn of his gaze ripping across my feverish skin. I'm trying desperately to keep my features neutral rather then expressing the absolute hurricane that's inside of me, but I've never been good at hiding the emotions written all over my face.

And right now there are so many.

Castiel wears a dark, sleeveless tee, and my eyes run over the tattoos that cover his arms, looking for that familiar patch of ink. I was with him when he got his first tattoo. I remember how excited he was that day. How he teased me and tried to make me get one too and only left me in peace when I stomped my foot and pouted in annoyance. God, he was so annoying that day.

But I couldn't help but love him for it.

His crimson hair is still long and tied back off his face. A few loose strands fall over his eyes as he plucks the strings on the electric guitar in his arms, before launching into the first song of the set.

There are people all around me, screaming and calling him name, and I barely notice any of it. I know he's supposed to be a big thing now, that his name is on the lips of every damn woman in this town. But it was on my lips first. When I whispered it against his bare chest, sinking lower and lower against his skin and driving him crazy. When I screamed it in anger, after one of our many fights, knowing it wouldn't be long until I was screaming it in pleasure instead.

 _It was mine._

And now it's everyone's.

And I don't know how I feel about that.

The song echoes through the building, hot and heavy, and my brain is nothing but a puddle of water in my head. And suddenly I'm overwhelmed as another emotion surges through me, and I'm trying to wrap my mind around how _amazing_ Castiel looks on that stage. How he looks different somehow. Older. More of a man then the boy he was back then.

And then the pride hits me. _I'm so goddamn proud of him_. Despite everything that's happened between us, he never gave up on his dreams of music. And he's done it. He's living it. And although it makes my heart hurt like nothing else to not see Lysander up there with him, I still haven't felt this kind of happiness in a long time.

I turn to give Nathaniel a reassuring smile. One to say I'm fine… I can do this… _I'm glad you're with me._ He gives a nod of his head, his eyes not entirely at ease, but I know he understands.

I find that I'm not as terrified now as I thought I would be, and soon I'm grinning from ear to ear, living in the beauty of the music Castiel has made. I coax Chani and Hyun into dancing with me, while Nathaniel and Priya remain behind, talking quietly and watching us. My eyes catch Nathaniels, and he throws me a wink. And he looks happy, despite being at the concert of a guy he was never friends with, and in the company of people who aren't his usual crowd these days.

Hyun takes my hand and spins me in front of him, and I laugh as the music pumps through me. These first few songs are catchy and upbeat, and Castiel sings about the thrill of first love, and long nights, and how it feels to be young, and dumb, and free.

And I can't deny how sexy he looks up on that stage…

I had always thought that Lysander was the one with the hypnotic voice, but soon found out that Castiels was just as mesmerising.

He used to sing to me when we were together. During lazy mornings when we stayed in bed for far too long and he whispered the lyrics against my skin. During the late nights bent over the pages of his lyric book with his guitar in his lap, singing me his latest as I leaned over his shoulder to kiss his face and offer encouragement. And then, later, during phone calls when we were too far away to do anything but take comfort in each other's voices. And his voice… it could do things to me that nothing else could.

It sends a flush up my neck to remember the things he would say to me. The sexy, dirty, lovely things that were whispered in my ear every day.

The other members of the band add their voices into various songs. There's a beautiful duet that Castiel sings with the girl playing bass guitar, and a tiny stab of jealousy hits me in the gut as I recognise the lyrics. The ones I had helped him perfect, a long, long time ago.

But the biggest wave of nostalgia hits me when the music slows, and the spotlight is on Castiel alone, as he picks out a slower tune on his guitar. Up until now everything has been fast and rough, and now the building hushes, and everything stops, except the vague feeling of warmth beside me and someone's fingers interlacing with mine.

And then Castiel sings…

 _No reply,_

 _Tell me do I ever cross your mind,_

 _I've kissed those lips a thousand times,_

 _And I thought I'd be fine, without you._

 _No surprise,_

 _I've believed so many of my lies,_

 _And I've picked up the phone a thousand times,_

 _Only to change my mind, about you._

His voice gets softer, and I can already feel the tears prickling the backs of my eyes as a million different memories run behind them. My mouth opens in a gasp, and breathing gets harder, and it's so overwhelming that I don't know what to do with myself.

But nothing could have prepared me for the next line.

 _Violet eyes,_

 _How could I have ever been so blind,_

 _I'll miss your sweet caresses all my life,_

 _I miss you every night,_

 _And I'm not fine…_

 _Without you._

The tears spill freely over my cheeks, and it doesn't stop. Song, after song, I hear our story. Sometimes it's bitter and angry, reliving the arguments, the fights, and even the final, miserable break up. Other times, it's sad and regretful, wishing he had more time, another chance. My heart is breaking all over again, a fresh tear of anguish stinging through my chest and it's so strange, hearing everyone in the audience sing along to the songs which are painfully, and quite obviously about us.

By the end of the concert, I'm clutching Nathaniel's hand so hard I'm afraid I'll break it. I hadn't noticed, and he hadn't said a thing, only stood by me silently. I drop it quickly, muttering an apology as he flexes it in front of him and offers me a forgiving smile.

The place is still buzzing with excitement as the band ends their set, and Castiel gives his final thanks to the audience, but I feel numb all over. How many months, or even years, of pain did I have to live through all over again the past couple of hours?

And I can't think straight. My head starts to spin as the numbness finally dissipates and I stand glued to the spot, quite unable to decide what to do with myself.

"Let's go, Candy." Nathaniel holds out a hand, daring me to take it. I know he sees the distress written all over my face, and everything inside of me is at war with itself as I meet his golden eyes. I thought I knew what I wanted. I thought things were okay. Until I saw Castiel on that stage, and now I don't know _anything._

I swallow thickly, and spare one last glance at the stage, at the band members who are chatting amongst themselves as the crowd around them dissolves. And then it happens. A glance. A spark of recognition. And Castiel is staring at me, his grey eyes wide and familiar and his mouth hanging half open.

Something inside me breaks, and I know I have to make the choice. I can see the two paths laid out in front of me plain as day. To take Nathaniel's hand and walk away from the concert and the pain of the past, or fall into Castiels' familiar gaze and finally say everything that I've been wanting to for three long years.

So, which do I choose?


	3. Nathaniel

_Hey guys, so this is the Nath ending! I wanted to post both the endings together, but I still have a lot of work to do on Castiel's one. Remember that Castiel's ending will be an ALTERNATIVE of this one, where Candy chooses to go with him instead of Nath. I feel like I'm better at writing emotional scenes rather then smutty kind of ones like this, so sorry if it's weird!_

 _I'll have the Cas one posted asap, but for now, I hope you Nath Candy girls enjoy ;)_

I take in a sharp breath and tear my eyes away from those familiar grey ones. The ones I used to love so much. The ones that had filled me with joy and passion during the days when we were madly in love, and I couldn't get enough of just staring at them. Then sadness and anger when we ended everything, and I couldn't look into them without breaking down.

The eyes that belonged to the man who had broken my heart.

I sniffle, trying desperately to will the tears away. That part of my life is gone. Dead and crumbled like the autumn leaves. Nothing could take away the memories Castiel and I had together. After all, there were so many good ones.

But that's all they are now.

 _Memories._

It isn't as hard as I thought it would be to turn away. It's even easier when my fingers lace with Nathaniel's outstretched ones, letting his warmth course through me. We push our way through the crowd, my hand clasped tightly with his to avoid losing each other and breakout into the bitter night air. Once we're clear of the crowds I stop, taking in a lungful of cold air to steady myself as I let all of the emotion, the pain, and the uncertainty of the night spill out of me.

 _I actually did it._

I faced down the fear of seeing Castiel again, and while it was certainly no picnic, I know now.

I know what I want. _And it's standing right in front of me._

And I think a part of me has known it ever since I came back to this town.

"You coming?" Nathaniel asks, his eyebrows dipped in concern. I look at Nath. _I really look at him_ , at the messy blonde hair that falls longer on one side, the multiple silver piercings that line one ear, the scar over his lip that gives his lopsided grin that extra something that sets my skin on fire.

I look, and I find myself falling into his golden eyes and his feline grin, and as much as it confuses me that I have these kinds of feelings for _Nathaniel_ of all people, I know that there's nothing I can do to stop them.

 _This isn't just what I want, it's what I need._

He takes a step, forcing me out of my head and back into myself. When he reaches his hand out for me again, I don't hesitate. I know there's something inside me that's saying I should second guess the situation, that maybe my friends are right about Nath. But in this moment, I can't think of anything other than the way his smile spreads across his face as he looks at me, and the feel of his skin against mine.

The air is so cold I'm glad for the leather jacket I'm wearing, and then the warmth of Nathaniel's arm as he wraps it around me and we make the short walk back to the university.

We don't speak. We don't need to.

It's quiet as we cross the campus towards the dormitory building, with everyone who was at the concert still lingering around the city, probably still high on the excitement of the night.  
Nathaniel drops his arm from around me as we enter the darkened dormitory building, and I press the button for the elevator, finally feeling a certain nervousness settle in my stomach.

I don't know what Nath expects from me, exactly. And I don't know how far I'm willing to go. He comes up next to me, rubbing some warmth into his hands, and when he speaks his voice is so low that I almost miss the words.

"I thought you'd go to him,"

He doesn't look at me, but I hear all kinds of emotions in his voice. _Relief. Confusion. Hesitation._

Something sharp stabs at my chest as I realise what he means. He didn't expect to be here. He thought that I'd choose Castiel, as I had so many times in the past.

"I couldn't…" I say, my voice just a breath in the silent room. 

Finally, his golden eyes meet mine, and I see some of the old Nathaniel in them as I recognise that wall he used to keep around himself.

"Why?"

I hesitate, at first. But I can't stop the truth from spilling out of me. Not in front of him.

"I don't love him," I admit out loud, as much to myself as to him. "Not like I did, anyway. I didn't know what I wanted before, but I do now. I want… _I want-_ "

The words still choke in my throat and I don't quite understand why. I know what I want. _I know it._

So why am I so afraid of it?

The elevator dings and I duck inside, escaping the words that I can't quite seem to say. I do have doubts about Nathaniel, even now, but it's something I'm willing to work through. And I suppose that all I'm looking for is confirmation that he wants that too.

My breath comes out jagged, and when the elevator doors close, I think that I'm alone. That he didn't follow me. That I lost my chance, all because I couldn't say it.

I startle when a hand on my elbow spins me back, pulling me against the wall of his chest where I'm overcome by the scent of his clean cologne. His body is so warm against mine, and when he cups my face in his hands my hairs stand on end and my breath sticks in my throat. I can't move, I can't breathe, I can't do anything except fall into those eyes that are so _goddamn_ piercing they make me want to just give in and lose my mind.

When he speaks I can feel his breath warm on my lips, and it sends tiny shivers across my skin.

"I don't know what to do, Candy,"

"Nath, wh-"

He looks so tormented that something inside of me shatters. And he just looks at me, his mouth opening as if he has more to say, though he never quite forms the words. My heart squeezes in anticipation, and eventually I can't take it anymore. I try to turn away, but he has me locked in place, his eyes shut tight against something he's trying desperately not to say.

"Jesus, if only you knew the things I've done, the things that I-" He stops himself, and suddenly his eyes harden, and my heart drops because I have the sickening feeling that he's steeling himself to say goodbye. Then he leans in and kisses the corner of my mouth, so gently.

"I don't deserve you."

The elevator opens on my floor, much too soon, and I don't think I could've willed my legs to move if he hadn't turned me towards the exit and given me a nudge. The bitter cold of the corridor hits me like a slap to the face as I step into it, and I turn only just in time to see the lopsided grin fall off his face just as the doors close.

 _What have I done… why couldn't I just say the words?_

I force myself to take the steps towards my room, even though they feel heavy and unnatural. Because every step I take is one more away from him. I stop before the door and cover my face with my hands. Utterly defeated.

Whatever game Nathaniel was playing, he has well and truly won.

 _And the prize was only my heart…_

I knew there was something there, something that I was trying so desperately to push away. God knows I've failed to do that. I was too busy worrying about seeing Castiel again to see what was really happening to me.

That I was falling for Nathaniel.

Without a second to hesitate, I fling myself through the door to the stairwell, taking the stairs two at a time to reach the ground floor. When I hit the lobby, I can see Nathaniel's silhouette heading towards the exit, and I silently will my legs to stride faster.

When I tap him on the shoulder, he turns, and it's half a second before I'm pulling him down to me by the edges of his shirt and catching his lips with mine. He's still at first, but it doesn't take long until his fingers are working through my hair and he's kissing me back with a hunger I could never have imagined. And the feeling is _electric_. My hands are on his collar, pulling him closer, _closer_ , and when his tongue runs over my bottom lip I can't help the sigh that escapes me.

 _This is what I want._

I protest with a small sound when he breaks the kiss, pulling back from me, his hands resting light on my hips. I don't let go of him. _I can't._ My hands are curled in the edges of his shirt _so tight_ that I never want to let go again.

"Candy…" He breathes, searching my eyes for something that only he knows.

He's hesitating, and I'm silently begging him not to. I can't let him walk away from me, not now.

I see the moment when something snaps the hold on him. The moment when he mutters, " _Shit_ ," before his lips crash down against mine. There's nothing I can do to hold back the whimper that escapes me. His arms snake around my waist, and he nudges me back into the elevator. With his lips on mine, I'm so lost that I'm afraid I'll do _anything_ he wants of me.

He pulls back a little to hit the button for my floor, and I miss his lips so badly that when they're on mine again I can't help but let out a groan. Suddenly, though, he grabs the backs of my thighs and lifts me up, forcing my legs to wrap around him as he plants me against the wall.

Every ounce of heat in my body pools to the spot between my legs, and I grip his shoulders and give in, squirming against him and craving the feeling of him between my legs. His lips move to scatter kisses over my jaw and down further still. I let out a soft moan, biting on my bottom lip to stifle a second one as he chuckles against the skin of my throat and I silently beg him not to stop.

Somehow, miraculously, we make our way to my dorm room with our clothes still on, though his shirt is halfway down his arms when we enter the empty room, and he promptly loses it, letting it fall to the floor while I kick off my boots and perch on the edge of my bed. His t-shirt comes off next, pulled over his head to reveal the body I've been craving.

My eyes soak it all in, biting on my bottom lip to stop myself from whimpering at the sight. I knew how the boxing had hardened his body, but to have it all to myself is a pleasure I can't quite get my head around.

 _Mine_ , I think possessively as he takes a step towards me, that feline grin curving his lips.

He makes quick work of removing my jacket, adding it to his clothes on the floor as his lips find mine again and I sink back onto the bed, letting him on top of me.

One hand lingers around my throat, squeezing gently, before he runs it down, over my breasts. His mouth follows his fingers, trailing kisses over my throat, my neck, my chest. When he lifts the hem of my shirt in suggestion it doesn't take much for me to pull it over my head and discard it somewhere in the dark. My skirt follows, so I'm left only in my underwear. I can't undress fast enough. I've never wanted anything so much.

And still his lips work their way down my skin, across my breasts where his mouth lingers over the black fabric of my lace bra and my back arches in pleasure, feeling his necklace hang down, the pendant cold against my skin.

My entire body aches for him as his fingers caress my stomach, and trail down further still until he's tracing the skin of my thighs with his fingertips, working closer and closer towards the spot between my legs, which tingles with the anticipation of having his fingers against me.

It's only then that I hesitate.

"Nath, wait…"

My voice is only a breath, and he lets out a low sound before turning his eyes on me. I bite on my lip, nervous, suddenly feeling like the biggest idiot in the world. But I have to say _something._

"I don't want this to be just another dormitory you walk out of,"

He stops, letting out a low breath. His blonde hair falls over my skin as he lowers his head and presses a kiss to my chest, his golden eyes meeting mine through the dark.

"It's not…"

He's stops, hesitating, before letting the words slip out.

"It's not like that. Not with you,"

I arch up to kiss him again. I want to believe him so badly. And no matter what my hesitations may be, I just can't stop. His mouth on mine has me quaking beneath him and _I… can't… stop…_

His fingers resume their exploration and I let out a sharp gasp and then a low moan as they find the spot that demands his touch. Until I hear a noise from outside the door, and I freeze.

The door swings open, and light floods the room.

"Jeez, can't you two find a room that isn't this one?" Yeleen grumbles unhappily as she surveys the scene, before walking in and dropping her leather jacket on her bed.

Nathaniel lets out a breathy laugh, and pushes himself up, though I scowl at her for the interruption. She flicks the switch on a lamp, and I grab the first thing I can find and put it on to cover my half-naked body. Not that I mind too much about that. We're roommates after all, I'm sure she's seen me in less then this.

Nath takes his time, hardly bothered by the intrusion.

"You must be the charming roommate," He drawls, and Yeleen puts a hand on her hip and narrows her dark eyes at him.

"And you must be _lost_. Didn't I see you sneaking out of room 704 a couple of nights ago?"

Nathaniel grabs his t-shirt from the bed, pulling it over his head and tugging it down his body, hiding that _oh-so amazing_ sight as he grins wolfishly at Yeleen.

"We're trading stories of our nightly antics now, are we?"

I could swear that Yeleen pales, but in the dim light, I'm not entirely sure.

"Come on, babe. How about we slip out so you can give me a proper goodnight kiss," Nath winks as he shamelessly bends down to kiss my lips. I throw Yeleen an apologetic smile. It's true that we've never been the best of friends, but I know how Naths attitude can get under people's skin. She pouts but doesn't say a word.

"Room 704, huh?" I say as I close the door behind me with a soft thud. I haven't quite managed to catch my breath, and my lips feel swollen. I miss the feeling of him against me, and if I wasn't so pissed off by Yeleens accusation, I would have him right here and now.

Nathaniel doesn't face me, which only increases my annoyance. He has his arms crossed behind his head, and he lets out a sharp breath. When he finally turns, his bottom lip is held between his teeth.

"I needed a distraction," He explains, though my eyebrows arch at the excuse.

"From what?"

"You,"

My breath hitches in my throat. I'm trying _so hard_ to be mad at him. Trying desperately to remind myself that I had seen him leaving one of these rooms with my own eyes.

I need to convince myself that I can't possibly know that I'm not the latest in a string of one-night stands. And most importantly, I need to not give in the way he's looking at me right now.

And god, his careless grin and bedroom eyes are making it difficult to do just that.

"Don't you see, Candy. I tried to get you out of my head. All these years, I thought you would never look at me the way you are now," His voice is a whisper as he takes a step forward, his eyes positively demonic.

And I'm so weak that I'm melting right in front of him. When his arms reach out for me, I'm in them in a heartbeat, never hesitating, even if I should be.

His fingertips run over my shoulders, down my chest, before lingering on my bare stomach. He knows exactly what he's doing to me, the gleam in his heavy-lidded eyes tells me enough. I don't stop him as his fingers trail down, under the band of my panties, so slowly, his fingers warm against me. My breath hitches and he leans forward, his lips next to my ear as he whispers.

"Come on, baby, tell me. _What do you want?"_

He pushes me back against the door, pinning my arms over my head with his free hand, his fingers still working between my legs with his other. I let out a groan of pleasure, barely able to catch my breath, his touch spreading the warmth through me.

" _Say it_ ," He growls against my lips,

 _"You… Nath…"_

His lips on mine cut off any other words I might have had, though I'm fairly certain I couldn't form a coherent thought, let alone a sentence. It's dark in the corridor, and I'm mildly aware that someone could walk down this hall at any moment, but god, _I really don't care._

My lets my arms drop free and they snake around his neck, my hands tangle in his blonde hair. One hand finds my backside, pulling me against him harder and he whispers against my lips, " _I'm all yours_ ,"

A knock against the door startles me as Yeleens muffled voice yells.

 _"I can still hear you!_ "

Slowly, Nath removes his hands from me, holding them up innocently. I only let out a breathy laugh, shamefully aware of how flushed I am. He drops his head and bites his lower lip, looking at me from under dark lashes.

"How about we go for coffee tomorrow,"

I let out a little giggle, "You drink coffee?"

"Everyone drinks coffee," He teases, twirling a strand of my long hair around his finger. "I prefer mine black, like my soul,"

He nuzzles his nose against mine and I roll my eyes, ignoring his dark chuckle. Then he leans forwards to place a kiss against my neck, and I have to bite down on my lip to keep from making a sound. He kisses my lips, just once, before pulling away and taking a few steps back.

"You look good in that," He says with a grin, his eyes drifting down my body, and I look down at myself. I had grabbed his shirt when Yeleen walked in. It's much too big on me, and it's not buttoned up, leaving the front of me completely exposed, save for my underwear. But it's covering something at least.

"See you in the morning," He grins before turning and heading towards the elevator.

When he disappears inside I finally let out the breath I had been holding. Until his voice echoes back down the corridor towards me.

"Next time we'll go to my apartment. There's no one to disturb us there. Except maybe the cat."

I'm grinning stupidly to myself when I duck back into the room. Yeleen is in bed, her covers pulled up over her. She doesn't say anything more, so I jump into bed as I am, wrapping Naths shirt around me tightly, and loving the way it smells just like him, remembering the way he kissed me, he touched me…

Until my phone rings, disturbing me from my thoughts.

I curse under my breath and fumble with it on the bedside table, picking it up to read the name flashing across the fluorescent screen.

My heart tightens in my chest.

 _Castiel._


	4. Castiel

**_So I hear it's a certain red-headed boi's birthday..._**

 **Finally the Cas ending is here! Remember this is an ALTERNATIVE to the Nathaniel one, where Candy chooses to go with Cas instead of Nath. It picks up straight after Chapter 2 ends.**

 **So happy birthday to my original love... and all you Cas girls enjoy ;)**

One step after another, I push a way through the crowd and towards the stage. I don't think I could stop my feet from moving, even if I wanted to, my mind fixed only on one thing.

 _Castiel._

Our eyes haven't left each other – my violet locked onto his grey – silently weighing up the situation. As I approach, Castiel jumps down off the stage to meet me, and for one wisp of a moment my heart stops.

 _He's right here._

I haven't seen him in over three years. I cried myself to sleep for months after we broke up, thinking about everything I could have done differently, wondering if I could have salvaged everything we broke. I dialed his number on my phone a million times only to throw it down before I could make the call, hating myself for being such a coward.

My throat tightens painfully as my head swims with distant memories

Because here he is, right in front of me.

He has more tattoos then I realised, the black ink peeking out from underneath the sleeveless t-shirt he's wearing. He looks older… more mature. His face is all sharp edges and angular jaw, having lost the roundness of youth.

"Candy…" He speaks, and I realise I've been staring. Up until now my voice has been stuck in my throat.

 _Say something._

"Hi, Cas," I try to sound casual, despite the fact that my heart is now beating against my rib cage at a hundred miles a second. He looks better then I remember – taller, broader – and my head is struggling to deal with it.

"It was a great show."

It's the only thing I can think to say. Something to break the silence. At least it's the truth… he was amazing on that stage.

He just looks me over, his brow slightly furrowed, his mouth pressed into that tight line that I'd learned to associate with his indifference. I lower my lashes, unable to look in those eyes any longer.

"Thanks," He says after a moment, clearing his throat. "I have to admit that I'm surprised to see you."

I chew on my bottom lip nervously, letting my eyes flit to his, struggling to find words… _any words_ …

 _Because what can you possibly say to someone who broke you?_

There are words in my mind. Oh, there's _tons_ of them. _Regrets, curses, promises._ Though none of them are any good to me while my voice freezes in my throat and my tongue sits uselessly in my mouth.

"Don't tell me you came all this way to see little, old me," Castiel drawls, looking me over through cold eyes. I'm not sure if he can see my internal struggle, but I was never good at hiding my emotions. Especially not from the one who knows me better then most.

"I study at Anteros Academy," My voice is rough when it finally emerges, and Castiel raises a single eyebrow.

"Oh?"

There are still a few people milling around still. Female, mostly, casting longing glances in Castiel's direction. The number of piercing glances being shot my way are numerous. As if no one can imagine what business Castiel could have talking to someone like me.

"Yeah, I…"

I feel so awkward, and entirely out of place. _Maybe this was a mistake_. I'm sure Castiel has much better things to be doing then wasting his time forcing small-talk with an ex-girlfriend.

I spare a glance back over my shoulder. Nathaniel is long gone, and a pang of guilt settles in my stomach. There's no denying that there's something between us, some sexual tension that I don't quite know how to deal with. I've felt it every time we've been together.

But when I saw Castiel again tonight I knew…

That he has always had my heart.

"Was that Nathaniel with you?" Castiel asks darkly, following my line of sight.

"Um, yeah."

 _Great answer, Candy…_

His lips turn down, and he folds his arms across his chest. "So… are you guys a thing now?

I shake my head. "We're just friends."

"Does _he_ know that?"

My eyebrows dip and I can't help to think back on the evening. The glances, the small touches… his lips on my skin…

"This was a mistake…" My voice is a breath, and I can't even look Castiel in the eye. What was I expecting to happen? Some kind of happy reunion? I should have known full-well that nothing with Castiel is ever easy.

I turn to leave, but a hand on my elbow stops me.

"Candy, wait," Castiel says, his voice gentle all of a sudden. "How about we have a drink… catch up?"

I think for a moment. Is it worth it, or am I simply prolonging my own pain…

"Sure," I manage to say eventually, only half turned towards him.

He heads for the bar, dispersing the crowd of people milling around with merely a glance.

"What, now?" I ask, pacing behind him to keep up.

"Course. We're heading out tomorrow. Now's all we've got, sweetheart."

So I find myself standing beside him awkwardly as he orders a couple of beers from the bar, ignoring the whispers surrounding us. A trio of girls try to approach him, though he simply offers them a polite greeting and wishes them a good night. I try to keep the grin off my face at the sight of their disappointed faces and venomous looks. I think I briefly spot Yeleen in the crowd as they slink away, but I can't be sure.

After a few minutes of enduring the torture of a dozen jealous gazes, he pushes an ice-cold bottle into my hand.

"I'll let the guys know they're packing up without me."

Castiel yells at the band that he's heading out back as we pass by, and they all flip him obscene hand gestures while I giggle from the sidelines.

"Better to go out this way, the fans can get pretty wild sometimes."

"Look at you, all big and famous," I tease darkly.

He raises an eyebrow, almost looking amused, before putting an arm around my waist to guide me down a dark hallway, and into a small room that looks like it's served as a makeshift dressing room. He picks up a leather jacket, putting it on as I glance around at the small leather couch, various speakers and sound equipment that litter the place, as well as a dozen articles of clothing.

I make a face as I pick up a red, lace bra from the arm of the couch between my fingers. Castiel lets out the breath of a laugh behind me.

"Mimi," He says, and I turn on him, confused.

"Our bassist. She's very, uhh… selective of her outfit choice before a show."

I look around, taking in the clothes. Indeed, it closely resembles a girls bedroom, and I have to admit that I've been guilty of outfit swapping before an event multiple times.

Castiel removes a few clothing items from the couch, draping them over a nearby speaker before he sits, his arms leaning on his knees and his face grim.

"I caught a glimpse of a few familiar faces in the crowd. Rosa, Alexy, Priya…"

"Yep, they're all here," I confirm as I drop next to him on the couch, leaning back and taking a long sip from my bottle. "Melody and Kim are around too."

"And blondie, of course," Castiel says distastefully, swinging the neck of his beer between his fingers.

I raise an eyebrow, "Don't tell me you're jealous."

"Of that dork? Dream on," He throws a dark look back at me, and something in my stomach tightens at the sight. _At the memories…_

"He's different now…" I say quietly, thinking back on everything that had happened between Nath and me since I'd arrived back in town. The tension. _The game._ "He's... I don't know how to describe it."

Castiel watches me for a moment, scanning my face like he's reading an open book, before the words slip past his lips.

"You like him."

A bolt of panic hits me in the chest. _Goddamn him.  
_  
"No, I-"

"It's okay… I didn't expect you to wait around for me."

His voice sounds casual, but his eyes are slits of smoldering grey. And _fuck_ , I can't keep my breath from hitching in my throat. _Jealousy has always looked good on him…_

I don't deny the accusation. _I can't_. He'd see right through me anyway.

Instead, I take a swig of my drink, taking the opportunity to steer the subject into safer waters.

"So, do you still keep in touch with Lysander?"

Hi shoulders relax a little at the mention of his best friend.

"As often as I can, yeah."

I'm so happy to hear it that my lips tug a little at the corners. Until I remember all the events that have befallen my friend, and my heart drops.

"How is he? I heard about his parents… it's awful."

Castiel turns on me, his eyebrows dipping.

"You haven't spoken to him?"

"Not recently, no…" I stumble, feeling like a complete and utter moron. "I sort of fell out of touch with everyone."

"Huh, not just me then…" He says quietly, leaning back against the couch. His eyes are distant. _Thoughtful._

"He… he's managing. I tried to get him to join the band, but… the farm is his family's legacy. I don't think he's ready to let it go."

My voice is small when it leaves me. "Do you think he ever will?"

"Eventually… maybe."

Castiel must see something on my face, because he nudges my leg with the toe of his boot and says.

"The way that he talks about you… and he still talks about you… anyone would think that he was your high school sweetheart, not me," He lets out a low chuckle, and the sound of it hits me with a warmth I didn't expect. I can't help but smile, despite the guilt that courses slowly through me.

 _I should have kept in touch with Lysander._

 _Why didn't I do more?_

 _He's all alone on that farm…_

Castiel takes out a cigarette from his pocket and holds it between his fingers. My eyes dart over it, but I'm not surprised. It was always his vice, smoking, and I'm hardly going to deprive him of it.

"I miss him…" The words slip from my lips in a breath, and Castiel stills beside me.

"Yeah… me too."

Lysander and I were close in high school. If it wasn't for Castiel, I could have even had feelings for him, if things had played out differently. But in the end, Castiel had my heart. It was clear to everyone. I think I was even the last person to realise it.

Even now, looking at him, I can understand why no one else had stood a chance back then. I was an absolute fool for him. Something cracks across my heart as I see the truth for what it is.

 _I still might be._

"Uh, are you gonna light that?" My eyes flicker to the cigarette in Castiels hand.

"Oh, I don't smoke anymore. It's… just a habit," He explains, twirling the smoke between his fingers before putting it back in the packet and shoving it in his pocket.

It's quiet now. I'm afraid I've exhausted my entire repertoire of small talk, and with nothing left to talk about, the emotions set in. I'd tried to suppress them for so long, _I had to_ , in order to move on and live a normal life.

When I finally look at Castiel, his eyes are on me, and my chest tightens painfully. Two flints of stone-cold granite.

"Don't look at me like that, Cas…"

"Like what," He drawls, his stare challenging.

"Like I'm the bad guy."

" _You_ moved away."

"What was I supposed to do?"

 _"Stay with me!"_ He growls, his voice sharper then a blade. "Candy… you should've stayed."

"You should've asked!"

I hear him take in a sharp inhale and see the way his fist clenches beside him. I don't dare to look at him. I'm afraid of what I'll find there, and I want even less for him to see the tears welling in my eyes. The sofa dips with his weight as he moves closer to me and I take in a shaky breath as his fingers find their way under my chin. His thumb runs over my bottom lip, and when he speaks his voice is only a breath.

 _"God, I've missed you..."_

Only then do I look up. Into those stormy eyes that were my home for so long. I didn't think it was possible to hurt anymore then I already had. I had loved him like nothing else, and when we broke up… it tore me apart.

The thought of going through that ever again is _terrifying._

But still he's leaning closer to me, and I'd be a liar if I said I didn't want him. His eyes flicker over my lips, reading every thought on my face. I might have convinced myself that I had moved on, but a part of me knows that for the lie it is.

The same part of me that's been waiting for him, all this time.

His lips brush mine for only a second before I pull back, my breathing ragged.

"We broke up for a reason, Cas…"

His fingers on the side of my face has me looking into those eyes once more.

"Because of me. Because I couldn't stand being away from you, so I thought the only option was to end it," It's only now that he falters. "I was a fool, Candy. I've wanted to tell you that for so long."

I had dreamed of these words. Imagined them whispered in my ear a thousand different times. Because of this, I don't dare let myself believe it.

"Surely there's someone else," I look away. I can't bear to see the look on his face if I'm right.

The thought of him with another girl makes my skin crawl. "Your friend Mimi? A groupie even?"

"There hasn't been anyone. Not since you."

I'm still hesitant, and I know he sees it. He drops his hand, letting out a defeated breath.

"I'll be back in town next week, after the tour. It's the first time my parents and I will be in the same town in a year," He hesitates. "Can I take you out?"

I quirk an eyebrow at him. "Like… on a date?"

"Yeah," He says with a disbelieving laugh, "God, we never did a lot of that did we… _dates._ I'm sorry I was such an ass."

"Okay," I agree, still a little unsure, but understanding the effort it's taken for him to ask me for something so simple as a date.

He takes my hand in his, and my eyes run over the tattoos on his skin before flitting to his.

"I want to fix this…" He breathes, and he looks so sincere that the wall I'm trying desperately to hold around myself falters. "If you want to."

All I can do is nod, biting down on my lip to stifle the emotions quaking within me that are threatening tears to spill. It's a hard emotion to place. _Happiness, relief, hope?_

"So, I'll call you," He says, nudging me for a confirmation, for some kind of reaction.

It's not ideal, but for now, it's the best we can do.

"I'd like that," I say, pushing myself up from the couch and readying to leave. All I can offer is a tight smile as I turn away, feeling happy but knowing that something… _something_ is still missing.

A hand on my elbow drags me back, and I barely have time to blink before his lips are on mine, and I'm melting against him, and _oh god I've missed him so much…_

 _This is the missing piece._

He lets out a breath as he pulls back, his forehead resting against mine, his breath heavy and uneven.

"I had to do that. Just once."

The only problem is… once just isn't enough for me.

It's half a second before my lips are against his again, pulling him closer to me by the collar of his leather jacket. He pushes me back against the wall, his hands braced on either side. I let out a low moan as he grinds against me, so close that I can feel every hardened muscle through his clothes.

His mouth is rough over mine, though Castiel had never been one for tenderness, and when his tongue runs over mine I feel myself falling apart. I was lying to myself for so long. _I was never over him._

" _Candy_ …" Castiel breathes, pulling back just enough to speak against my lips. "You know I love getting experimental. But do you really want to get down and dirty in a grimy, old bar?"

I stifle a laugh by biting down on my lip. As much as I hate to admit it, he has a point.

"I should really go, anyway," I breathe, reluctantly removing my body from against his. "My friends are probably waiting."

He places a single kiss on the tip of my nose, his lips quirking.

"Say hi for me."

I kiss him once more, and it's so hard to break away from him… to leave him after everything that just happened.

 _It's not goodbye_ , I tell myself. _I'll see him soon._

"Oh, and Candy…" His low voice has me twisting to see him over my shoulder, where he's giving me one of those demonic smirks that I've missed so much.

"Tell Mr Student Body President to stop trying to steal the girl I love, would you?"

I can't contain the smile that breaks across my face, mouthing ' _I love you too'_ before finally forcing myself to leave.

When I walk back into the club, I spot Priya, Chani and Hyun hanging around the entrance.

"Everything okay?" Priya asks as I approach.

"Yeah," I say with a smile, feeling a weight lift off my heart. I don't know what I had been expecting for the night, but I think deep down in my heart, I was hoping it was this.

Priya leads the way and I follow behind, out into the cold night air. My phone goes off in my bag and I fish it out, glancing over the name on the screen.

My heart stops.

 _Nathaniel._

I open the message with a tap of my finger, my eyes scanning the text.

 _Shit…_


	5. Castiel Part II

I adjust the gym bag on my shoulder as I push open the door to the building, the boom of up-tempo music and whirring gym equipment hitting me as I enter.

I'm nervous. My heart pounding like a jackhammer in my chest at the thought of the conversation I'm about to have. But there's no sign of him. _Yet._

Stashing my bag into one of the available lockers, I take a moment to adjust my ponytail, before heading to the back of the gym.

Last night had been more then I could've hoped for. Castiel and I had reconciled, with the promise of a future.

But where did that leave Nath and I?

He had messaged me last night.

 _ **Taking Amber home, she's in a bad way… I expect to see you at the gym tomorrow.**_

I tried to call, but he wouldn't answer. I don't know what I would've said anyway.

I search the gym thoroughly, it's crowded at this hour. When I finally find Nathaniel and Kim, they're talking together at the back of the main room.

Nath barely spares me a glance as I approach, but his voice is hard when he speaks.

"You're late."

 _I'm always late._

He's mad. I can see it in the tightness of his shoulders, the set of his jaw, his hands coiled into fists at his side.

"Who's her coach? Me, or you?" Kim orders him, a hand on her hip. "Go work off some steam on the bags."

He gives her a mock salute, though I gently put a hand on his arm to stop him before he leaves.

"Hey, how's Amber?" I ask, worried about what kind of state she was in last night and the fact that he hadn't answered my calls.

"She'll live," He says dismissively, sauntering off and leaving me to Kim's mercy.

 _Or lack thereof._

When I turn back to her, I'm met with the sight of her raised eyebrows.

"You've really done a number on him, girl."

She indicates with a finger to hit the mat, and I do so, letting her guide my body into the proper stance for push-ups.

"I've done nothing," I manage to say through her instructions, feeling the familiar burn in my muscles as I dip _up and down, up and down_ , and she lets out an impatient sigh.

"I'm not going to say anything else, except... his emotions are easy to read. If you know how to look. And today, I've seen enough to know what's going on."

I don't say anything. It wouldn't be wise to tell Kim that she couldn't possibly know what's going on, when I barely do myself.

The workout with Kim is gruelling, but I can't deny that I needed it. If only to clear my head a little by focusing on the simple task of exercising rather then my roller-coaster of a life.

When I'm finally free to leave I enter the boxing room, hoping beyond hope that I'm actually ready to have the conversation I've been dreading all day.

Nath is still going at the bags, and I watch for a moment, my eyes roaming over his tight muscles. The air freezes in my lungs. _How do I do this?_

 _How do I tell Nath that I've made my choice, and it's not him._

He stops at the sight of me, grabbing a towel from the bench to dry off while I try desperately to not stare at his naked torso, slick with sweat.

 _God, I don't want to do this._

"Nath…" My voice is small, and I will it not to break. I have to be strong if I have any hope of getting through this. "I'm sorry about last night."

"Yeah? Which part exactly…" He spits, and when he turns back to me I can see the bandages over his knuckles are covered in blood and his eyes are narrowed into resentful slits of gold.

"The part when you went running back into the arms of your insufferable ex-boyfriend?"

He takes a step forward, looking nothing short of livid. I retreat a couple of steps, feeling something tighten in my chest at the sight.

"Or how about the part when you made me believe that you actually _felt something_ for me."

My mouth opens and closes uselessly. I'm trying to say something to calm him… _anything._

"Nath, I-" The words catch in my throat. What can I possibly say to him to make the situation better?

The truth is that there's nothing.

He throws his towel against the wall before he advances on me, closing the gap, and continuing even when there's no room left to move. I have to bend backwards just to look up at him, his body flush against mine. My hands are against his chest to keep some semblance of distance, and his skin is scorching against them.

"I'm not just some toy you can use for your own amusement," He hisses down at me, grabbing me by the wrists and holding me there.

"I know... Nath, _I know that_ ," My voice comes out broken, and finally he backs off, letting out a humourless laugh and running a hand through his damp hair.

"Well, you always were selfish, Candy." He drawls slowly, and white, hot rage flashes in the back of my eyes.

 _How dare he._

"Oh, _fuck you!_ "

Fury courses through me like liquid fire as I advance on him, my body trembling through the rage, though he only throws a dark smirk over his shoulder at me.

"With pleasure."

"You insensitive prick!" I hurl the insult at him, picking up one of his discarded boxing gloves and throwing it at him for good measure. He swats it away easily, raising his eyebrows at my outburst.

"What did you expect? You could parade around with various girls in front of me, and I'd still drop to my knees for you?"

He crosses his arms over his chest, blood smearing over his skin. His lips quirk on one side.

"That's a sight I'd like to see."

I can't do anything except scoff in disgust, turning on my heels to get as far away from him as possible. _I can't stand him right now. The insufferable, arrogant pain in my ass._

I'm stopped in my tracks when a hand on my arm drags me back and I collide with the wall of his chest.

"Don't touch me!" I try to pry his hand off me, but he only squeezes harder, staring me down.

"You think I don't know how you feel?" He says through gritted teeth, his eyes seething. "I see the way you look at me… the struggle in your eyes."

I let out a hiss of air between my teeth, purposely not meeting his piercing gaze. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"You're a _fucking liar,_ " He growls, his deep voice booming through me. "At least do yourself a favour and stop lying to _yourself._ "

I finally break free from him, gritting my teeth to stare him down. I _will not_ be intimidated by him.

"Because you're the master of that, huh? Look at yourself, Nath! You're an entirely _new fucking person!_ " So who's the one lying to themselves here?"

"At least I can acknowledge the way I feel about you!" He bites back, though he closes his eyes almost instantly, the tight muscles of his jaw twitching.

"Fine, you win!" I scream at him, pushing against his chest, my voice shaking with every emotion I'm failing to hide. "I do have feelings for you. _Are you happy now?_ "

His eyes widen, and he reaches out an arm, breathing. " _Come here_ ," and drawing me into him.

I can't stop myself from falling into his arms. And then the tears come, tumbling hot and fast down my skin. My fingers are grasping his shoulders so tightly that when I loosen my grip, red marks remain.

" _I love him_ , Nath. Don't you understand that?"

My chest is torn open. My heart is laid bare. _Did I make the right choice? If I did, then why does this hurt so much?_

"Yeah, I understand..." He says softly, his voice echoing through me. He pulls back a little to look at me, and as the tears stream down my face, his golden eyes follow their trail.

"Don't cry. _Baby, please..._ " He pleads, as if it pains him to see the absolute torture I'm in. " _I'm sorry. I'm so sorry._ "

My face is between his hands, his thumbs running under my eyes to wipe away the moisture. The sharp tang of blood hits me, but I don't care. All I can think about is steeling myself against him, because if I don't…

 _I'm failing._

I love Castiel, but there's something in me that can't let go of Nath, no matter how hard I try. I think he sees this in my eyes, because I can see him fighting against every single feeling he has for me. And I feel lower then low for making him feel like this.

I told Castiel that Nath and I were just friends, and even he could see it for the lie it was. My lips are swollen, my eyes red. And my heart is wrecked. Nath could bend his head a fraction of an inch and his lips would be on mine. And I'm not so sure I'd stop him.

" _Fuck..._ " He curses as he drops his hands, pulling himself away from me.

I don't reach out for him, even though every fibre of my being screams at me to. It wouldn't be fair to anyone. Not to Nath, not to Cas… and certainly not to me. I can only watch helplessly as he crosses his arms behind his head, the muscles in his back stretching in a way that makes my head pound.

"He'll fuck up again, I know it," He says finally, his voice low, but laced with venom.

"Nath, _don't…_ "

When he turns on me again, his eyes are hard. It takes only a step for him to bring his hand to the side of my face, so gently. I see the torture in his eyes, and it's _breaking my heart._

"I'll wait for you," He says softly, and I shatter all over again, holding my bottom lip between my teeth to stifle the sob that threatens to escape. "As long as it takes."

He kisses me. So quick, I can hardly be sure that it happened at all. And then he's gone. And all I can do is stand there stupidly – my face wet with tears, and my heart cleaved in two.

 **One week later.**

 _Castiel makes good on his promise, and a week later, he's back in town._

 _Seeing his face ignites something in me that I've missed during these years without him. And when I'm on the back of his motorcycle, despite swearing at first how I would never be convinced to get on that thing, everything falls into place._

 _With my arms around his waist, being whisked off to some secret date location, feeling the night wind howling through my hair, I feel a sort of peace._

 _It's true that things with Nath are still a little uneasy, but we'd talked about it, and come to the conclusion that friends is a good place for us to be right now._

 _Sometimes it's hard to remember that – when we fall back into the old flirtations, or our gazes linger on each other longer then they should. But we're working on it, and that's the most important thing._

 _Castiel makes it easy to forget about all that. He is my match in every possible way, and I like to think that we bring out the best in each other. And the crazy thing is that he understands._

 _My heart is a fickle, unpredictable thing._

 _But I chose him, over everything. And I will continue to choose him._

 _For as long as there is a choice._


End file.
